Benjamin Button often quoted momma, “You never know what’s coming for you.” Today, Tuesday the 26th of September had a beginning that really felt in alignment. At times in meditation or dream state I’ll ask for guidance, for ‘a sign’ we all need reassurance; a lesson that was reinforced this morning. So I figured I should take the time to record and acknowledge the events. Why Not, not like I had anything better to do.
My day started at CVS and of course the girls where behind on their duties because I overheard, “There was 6 pages from last night, I know,” Shelby acknowledged with her curly blonde bangs and glasses. I know my script isn’t ready so I said, “Heading to Starbucks, you’ll need anything?” They didn’t, it wasn’t lunch yet. But I have to attest to the superb job and professionalism of all employees of this CVS. When handling seniors, tweakers, the sick, and me, they perform. All I could do was emphasize watching them answer questions to looky leu’s or wishing the sneezing and coughing woman to, “Feel better.”
I pursued more errands before the early afternoon tee time of 12:45 and figured I might as well hit the ABC store; although it wasn’t quite 10am. Funny that one thought that jumped out was, “Fuck, I’ll be the old guy waiting for the opening bell in his car.” Not that I planned on indulging it upon purchase like the fella who pulled up next to me in a beat grey pick-up, two dogs, and a low donut on the passenger rear.
“If it’s not 10am, they won’t let you in. I hate that I know that. What time you got buddy?” Lowering my frame to make eye contact through the half cranked rolled down window while two smaller dogs rustled; I responded, “9:56 sir.” His tall 6ft plus body extended beyond the cab and he walked with me to the front.
“You think the government would legalize a drug that makes you drive bad, fight, and kills you,” he said with an aggressive tone. “Well what do think the opioid crisis was,” I said. His rant continued into fentanyl, “If an illegal comes across the border with fentanyl I don’t care if they shoot him dead.” “You know that’s just terrible. You know what I mean?” I calmly reinforced the idea that is American capitalism, “Hey guy, you got to understand if there’s a demand someone will supply.” He seemed to understand immediately and he agreed easily, whole heartly. But he was still upset about the homeless crisis he saw happening in Philadelphia and I was waiting for the underlying racism to surface. But before that came, I explained it was so sad to see all the dystopian street plague our cities, “You know these are our brothers and sisters, Americans. We need to do more for each other.”
Slowly, a new but old impression of understanding and acceptance washed over him. Admitting to me, “You know I’m a white man” in his NC drawl, “You don’t say” I said softly grinning. “I don’t have a lot of love for the black race but you’re right, these are Americans, we should take care of each other.” With that I extended my hand and embraced Troy, my neighbor.
This interaction was less than 5 minutes which required little effort and I was aware of him asking me for help. He referred to his drinking as a problem more than once and it was clear he felt bad about himself because Troy wanted to point the finger at other’s he believed where committing more serious ill will to justify his position. I realized seeing myself, a lonely older man who probably didn’t talk to anybody but his dogs, that I should just listen. In his current state I couldn’t get him to a meeting but I could empathize if only for a morning moment.
My feedback was well received. Why? Maybe because I wasn’t looking at him the way he looked at the wrong doers. I mean he was driving drunk at 10am with a truck that was borderline road ready but instead of judging his sins I simply saw a brother who was in need. It’s become so clear to me, when someone is angry and spouts off some bullshit, wired with an intensity, it’s an apparent lack love. And all I had to do was listen to give him some, which enabled a different view to present itself; and in moment he changed his thoughts, subsiding in emotional relief. That’s accepting, understanding, and surrendering.
My best friend, Chucky, training to be a social worker, gave me some professional advice because I thought maybe I could’ve done more. He said, “You want to see if they have any spirituality so you can gage if they believe in something bigger than themselves.” I suppose if an individual can leave ego at bay, they find it easier to forgive. “Also, you let them know they are deserving of their best life” Chuck said, which was an eye opener for me. Had anyone told Troy he deserved to be healthy, loved, wanted, or appreciated lately?
I once read, “Everyone we meet is a student or teacher. Treat them as such.” Amazing that I found myself learning and teaching with Troy. Amazing that he was open about his drinking and beliefs. Amazing that a metamorphosis occurred at the speed of thought. Amazing that it was under 5 minutes. But the Universe had more work for me as I headed to the Food Lion.
As a lonely man, glassy eyed at times like Troy, with no dogs, who loves to cook; I’m on a first name basis with most of employees at the grocery store. I bring them food and delve out hugs when they are called for. Two weeks ago Kayla, a manager, approached me with a grin and glasses saying, “Stu, give me a hug.” There was no thought, no hesitation, just action. So much so if just came out, “Kayla, I love you.” I assume most would resist because she’s a bigger woman and touching is thought of as a no, no; especially with a worker. But this simple technique of expressing the divine spark of the soul in a mirror of my sister is becoming more accepting for me.
Inquiring to the older woman at the deli for French bread she asked how I was doing. “You know I’m going through changes. One day I’m on fire, smiling big and shining bright. The next I’m down so low. I’ve never experienced emotional swings on a day-to-day pendulum.” Her sunken blue eyes widened under a blue Food Lion ball cap, spilling blonde and grey hair, she said, “You should try grounding.” “Grounding, like in meditation?” “Yes, I ground daily. Sometimes 3x’s a day,” the woman said faithfully. Immediately I thought of my mother who had also begun a 20min. grounding session and the conversation proceeded.
We spoke of meditation practices, charkas, and yoga. Her name was Leah and she was from California. “You know Leah I’m having an art show next month you should come,” I said trying to make a new friend. “Really, well I paint,” she responded as the vibration was taking shape. She showed me her work on her phone of waterfalls, rivers, purple moons, and mountains; all the while telling me she was not any good. “Are you kidding me? These are amazing!” They really were something special. The work made me think of Atlantis meets the New Earth.
Being that I’m hosting an art show and in need of participants, this meeting didn’t feel chalked up to chance. But Leah confessed to me she had been really depressed lately and hadn’t painted in 3 months; quietly, slouched, and uncertain. “Yea, it’s lonely at times,” underlining an attunement that does broadcast and an understanding I conveyed. “You know, you’re a light worker. My daughter reminds us of our hardships. I always see you upbeat and with a certain energy here. I really needed this today, thank you” spoken with a certainty she knew we would connect. I embraced her with an open heart after giving her the details of the show and walked away feeling so fulfilled I had to bite my tounge.
How long has it been for Leah, that she was told she deserved the best life, that she was loved, thought of, needed, forgiven, and understood? Indeed that she is an Amazing painter! Had Leah spoken out loud, that she was sad to anyone besides her daughter? Has she showed off her work to her co-workers? Has anyone grounded with her? But, in another brief glimpse of the 86,400 seconds in a day, at the Food Lion in NC on a Tuesday morning I found myself opening to and receiving information that had been there the whole time. Why?
Possibly because Troy had let his walls down earlier with me. Allowing permission for me to follow suit and engage my neighbor on an intimate level. I’m think Andy Bernard said, “I had to go all the way to Canada to get know a guy I sit 20ft away from. And he’s delightful!” If I purely think of these occurrences in a 3-D, Steven, perspective, I can clearly state the law of averages feeling assured. Which is a mantra that has been on repeat causing a belief. Instead 10 minutes of a Tuesday should be a reminder to open to what is already perfect. To stop chasing and be. Be the witness. With an acceptance that turns to understanding and culminates in surrender of certainty when asked, “Am I? I am.”
