Tomorrow the sun rises on the 14th day of February, Valentines Day, with spin from the Earth love is on people’s waking mind a little more than usual. Colorful bouquets of red roses clutter desks of co-workers as the single eyes the love in a form all can see. This kind of gratification is more fulfilling than any of the ‘likes’ that will be received after the memory is cataloged. To be thought of in such a generous appreciation is something we all welcome but the single is left out or so they think.
Pew Research indicates that only 56% of Americans are in a relationship, leaving a lot of us to fill up the next single’s cruise. That’s something that hopefully registers when I find myself in a social setting, half of these people are solo. But I can empathize with those of us who swipe, like, and comment on the line, expecting the wish of romance to be granted but false are our assumptions.
Love comes in all forms, especially music. 67% of songs since the 60’s include love lyrics according to a ‘psychology of music’ study. Tracks of heartache have littered the billboards as well as ‘Let love in.’ If an individual is in pain or ‘Head over heels’, music will aid in that expression; something to keep in mind when no matches present themselves. Because when I transport through sound waves, I’m reminded, ‘Let’s stay together.’
For those of us that have once known love but it has been absent for years hear the agonizing phrase, ‘it’s better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all.’ We can all agree yes, but the timing isn’t right for us to appreciate it. Picturing past memories trigger an emotional response that won’t be healthy or fill the void. So how can a lonely stranger find comfort in another they haven’t met?
When I go over the history in my head the majority of my partners were found at work and since I’m not working currently scratch that. Dating apps have secured one love but other than that they’re a virtual reality. You can find any excuse not to follow up on a hot lead because you really don’t have skin in the game. Sure, the law of averages is universal and you’ll hook-up; but not be fulfilled.
I used to joke, ‘if you want to find a good woman go to church or the library.’ Wouldn’t that be terrible to attend mass with the intention of finding a lady, instead let’s crash a funeral; ha! Although this has never happened, I did kindle a friendship with a librarian. “Pam, can you say these are due back Thursday?”
As a single man in his 40’s I’ve never been married, something I knew to be an outlier but Pew Research revealed I’m in the 21% of Americans. If a man or woman finds themselves in this boat the other 80% assume there is a major malfunction with us, or gay as I’ve been labeled at times. But this isn’t the truth for any of us. That is unless we believe it. But the will it takes for a solo spirit to smile big and shine bright without recognition, support, or love is a journey inward. Rewards can be reaped and bestowed once the entrance of another presents itself.
A mantra that rings true and often for me is, external material or circumstances will not provide me with joy I seek. It took me many years for this to be in the driver seat. When one finds themselves alone with nobody receiving or giving communication they discover their inner identity, the one they live with. The time I’ve spent solo has helped break down walls that I used to stand guard at. Why? Because I’m not thinking about what others may perceive from me trying activities outside of the norm, they’re not around; it can’t be any worse, it can only rise.
Because of this solo timelapse for me I’ve dug into writing, painting, gardening, yoga, meditation, and freestyling. Out of 10 people I met at different bars and restaurants while in Florida last month only one had the moxy to be themselves when I asked, “what are you passionate about? What are you in expert in?” She said, “a lot.”
We all are. Everybody’s an expert at something and being single helps an individual know thyself. I know, as you do couples that have lost their identity and merged; playing a lesser role to secure an absence of loneliness. Playing small serves no one. But I also know couples that are bonded in by being strong where there partner is weak and vice versa; attaining balance without effort through acceptance.
Surely, we all strive for the latter but time and circumstances dictate. With the holiday of love on the horizon for the lonely hearts club out there remember that ‘waiting is the hardest part.’ If we can roll like stones, ‘time is on our side’ if we team up. How many of our 86,400 seconds could we part with to make another feel loved? Not many.
Instead of repeating sad songs and ice cream runs; give then receive. Love is an abundant renewal resource available in any environment one holds. It should be given when necessary and even when not, why, it’s free. And I’m not referring to others but yourself, single. Tell the self ‘I love you.’ Thank your heart for pumping without an ask and that you love sights, sounds, tastes, and visions that the human form provides. There are many threads of ourselves we can love if we put our awareness on it for a handful of seconds.
Happiness starts inside and branches out with receptors if the core is true. Being single isn’t the mark of the beast but we often tag ourselves as undesirable’s. Another person will not define our character or increase our worth. But the right person can enhance the potential we all show. Just as a great training partner aids in achieving personal best lifts the wrong one will tear you down. And just because one is hiking alone doesn’t mean they’ll never encounter a like minded soul on the trail. When I was on the AT all the videos and books said the same thing, “if you’re alone no worries. You’ll find your hiking partner.” In-fact the odds are in your favor if you keep shucking that corn, ‘Somebody will.’
