When to call Bullshit or Truth
Today I visited Lauren at Psychic Solutions in Winston-Salem, NC for a reading. I approached her business/home off a major road, pulling gently up a tough drive seeing the front and back doors open as I parked on a sunny mid-Atlantic May Day. As I exited the Papa Jack, all black, two hundred; I was met by the violence of a slamming back door. So I proceeded to the front door waving a happy ‘hello,’ “Meet me by the yellow side door that says office,” Lauren responded. “My apologies,” as I can understand how a woman may feel to meet a military aged male alone in her home and talk ‘spirit;’ so I obliged.
She let me into a tiny room, 20×10, with a desk that had a four-by-three glass shield, and two chairs. There were pictures of the charkas, crystals, and palm sculptures. She reentered the room, a white woman in her fifties, with glistening skin; and asked what kind of reading I wanted, which was foreign to me. I have had three readings before and was never asked this. Then she said, “Think of two wishes, one for the outside and one for inside.” I questioned, “two what?” “Wishes.” First spider sense detected. I did not come for wishes, is all I thought. I calmed her ‘POS’ lunch selection with a ‘life’ reading selection.
“What was your name again,” as she shuffled the cards like a blackjack dealer. Number two, you do not remember the name of your 11am client who is a white 40yr old man, not your normal demo I suppose. This is all from memory because the sign behind her said no audio or video recording, flag three! Recording was always encouraged in my previous readings, because ‘spirit’ moves like Jesse Owens and the ‘medium’ hand’s and voice are sporadic. This was not the case as I looked through cheap plexiglass to see seven cards laid out like a triangle.
I stopped her and asked about what I came for, which was to get message from the ‘guides,’ to where the paintings I ‘channeled’ belonged. “Yea, I’d like to see them, there small huh?” “No, there 2x3ft, I have one.” “Bring it in,” she responded. I retrieved the last piece of ‘Our Position’ and placed it against the wall 3ft from us. “I see a lot of six’s and the yellow and brown are prominent,” was Lauren’s first impression. “Can you see the faces,” I asked in hope that a person who runs Psychic Solutions would smell what the kid was cooking with, but it was not met in a meeting of the minds. Even when I pointed them out; she couldn’t detect them. I felt like the mention of six’s was that of 666 but I didn’t bite, instead I said, “I can’t remember what 6 is in Numerology, which was met with a scoff off of the pseudo-science.
By this point my excitement vanished and the number 2 pencil kept erasing when her most intuitive message, “A man with facial hair will help you with the paintings.” No shit, you just described 75% of the men I come in contact with. Is he black, white, yellow, red, brown, tall, short, fat, fit, old, young, or what color is the hair? “You should go to 4th street,” she stressed twice even after I told her I had been there. “Well maybe go Big, NYC, New Orleans, or like you said Europe, I’m just talking,” she said as a bullshitter. Fuck it, I proceeded on to question two, “I was attacked by a hawk a coupe weeks ago and I wanted to get the message.” After I explained the circumstances of the traumatic event, (how many people you know been hit by talons) Lauren, the psychic, said, “Oh no, no message, he wanted your chicken wings.” As a reasonable person, I definitely consider that but those wings were unattended for 20 minutes.
The sales pitch continued as she wanted to pivot to love and money, the normal sense of why people pay her for advice. (Side note, you don’t ever pay for a reading. A donation is asked for and they don’t count the money,) “Money won’t buy you happiness,” she repeated. “I tell my kids.” You obviously haven’t read my last book Lauren, which a simple internet search would have revealed many clues to prey on me.
“Who’s your significant other,” she probed. “That’s over, not here for that.” She continued anyway, “Well, when two people still have feelings they can rekindle what was lost.” “I have to agree,” really, if two people come to an understanding they can reengage? And the hits kept on coming, “Do you like water?” “Of course, most people live by it and the vibration is something all humans desire, maybe because we are 70% of it.” “No, a lot of people don’t like it,” she shot back. I think maps of population density on the coastlines would crush that. “Well people with dementia don’t like water, especially showers,” I tried to relate. “No, old people just don’t like showering,” was immediately replied. Ok you know; not like I’ve been a caregiver in such positions and my mom and sister are nurses.
You know what ‘Grinds my Gears,’ checking your fucking phone while you’re supposed to be raising the vibration to connect with beings who’s frequency is faster than the physical. I did ask in the beginning if she used guides because, fuck tarot cards for a professional; her assurances were not sold. At this point, I was ready to roll and cut my losses, I didn’t want to make eye contact, I was an appointment in her book, like John Travolta said in the movie Get Shorty.
“Do you meditate,” she asked daringly. “Everyday.” “What do you do with the charkas?” I light them up, spin them, and explode them out,” I responded to a fake authority figure. “Yea, I see so much color around you,” as she went through every color of the charkas except for orange. “Do you put the Light around you,” Lauren inquired. “Only when I’m channeling and sending out the warning if you cross the line, I’m protected. Otherwise no, not needed,” I responded. “Well you have a white light around you.”
“Where do you work,” Lauren explored. “Nobels, I’m a server.” She followed her routine giving me hope, “You won’t work there forever.” Another example of complete separation. Telling me that the paintings would spring me to success. In my head, I am saying, “Lady, this is one of four projects,” living in the 3rd dimension is not why I’m here. And if your ‘gift’ is not as in tune as mine, say so. Don’t keep closing when the sale has been determined with transparency.
The disappointment was a ten and I wanted to bounce but she persisted. My body language, with open charkas, glaring through plexiglass, arms crossed; she continued, “Do have any questions for me?” For the second time I asked, “Any messages from my guides?” The response was fast, without conjuring, “No.” “Ok then, what do I owe you, you take debit” I said begrudgingly. “You know, I’ll just charge you $45 since you had just a couple questions.” “Is that ok?” “Sure, thank you,” I muttered. “I’m good person,” Lauren spouted out as I tapped my card to the square receiver next to me on the table that was flush with crystals; Nail in the Coffin!
Is she a bad person? I guess that judgement lies in each individual. But mostly in her. As I exited, I heard from behind, “God Bless.” I would expect that from the indigenous Baptist but not from a being of Namaste. “Love and Light,” as I clutched the conclusion of a channeled motion picture in number 12 and left feeling more like an outlier. I’ve been struggling to describe the new book,
Thought Outlines the Vision
Emotion Colors it in
And I want to express when I see you, I see me.
Her ego was on display trying to persuade me that she was ‘licsensed’ to be a force of jurisdiction and guidance in the astral realm. That was my 4th reading and the other three were totally legit. Example, I was in Lilydale, NY home of the best of the best mediums for 100 years tucked into the Catskill Mountains and the ‘Medium’ said to me as I waited on the porch for my time slot, “Just leave the money out here. I don’t want to see it.” She used no cards, crystal balls, or other props. Why? Because such props are not a lightning rod to the ALL Mighty and are not needed! How do you know it was real, Steven? “Oh, your grandfather is back. He’s telling me, lady, this is costing me a lot of energy.” If you ever met Papa Jack, you know that rings true.
Trust your intuition and maintain skepticism, we all can simply the situation like the Beach Boys. Are you picking up good vibrations?
