Failure is simply defined in four words, a lack of success. But maybe it’s success that we have trouble defining. What does success mean to you besides large bank accounts, millions of fans, followers, trips, and fancy shit? And if one knows their goal clearly, do they have the courage to fail, to become a loser? Tough question. I find myself in this position as I have failed to attract 9 students to participate in yoga, meditation, resistance training, and lunch at no cost at the park I’ve built next to my home.
The work began in March, putting the final touches on ‘Pilot Landing’, the park next door. I started by getting the 3 beds of the garden tiled up and planted behind the 30×20 rough cut cedar pole barn. I dug up 1/3 of the front yard and transferred the mossy soil by hand to cut out a grounding trail through the woods, which came out better than expected. Especially when 12 tiki torches light the training area, (a giant sandbox with turf on top) and the path up at dusk. It’s quite something! The bags of mulch laid run over 50 and spreading a dump truck worth of woodchips put me in great shape but success remains to be seen.
I started by placing an ad online which resulted in one response but following up I was ghosted. Strike one. Next, I figured I’d hit the town for a week with postcards and cookies but this went on the same road. From women at the Y to the church they seemed fearful of even speaking with me. I could hear hundreds of no’s in their head as I tried to get a word out. I figure I better change my pitch to ‘I mean you no harm’ extending and arm, then with the other ‘I don’t want your money’. Then bring them into prayer and introduce myself. Strike two. Lastly, I was relying on a mailer I’ve used in the past with much success but 612 yielded a goose egg. Strike three. You’re out!
To be honest last year I was fearful of this outcome so I shelved it but this year was different, I felt confident. I had recruited another teacher, Shawn, from the church down the street and she would be able to teach the last half hour while I prepared lunch. This was huge support for me. Shawn, her boyfriend, and a buddy made three of the nine so finding 6 out of 612 seemed very reasonable, unfortunately it hasn’t come to fruition. But that doesn’t mean I’ve been unsuccessful.
I’ve been at this project for 3yrs. so there have been many successes along with synchronicity’s. For starters coming back from Ohio visiting my mother and seeing the for-sale sign on the lot next door backing into the woods at the end of my small 2 home street. I had told my mother that I didn’t think it would vacant much longer because the secret was out on Pfafftown, NC. The realtor, Shannon, a man, answered all my inquiries not knowing I lived next door or my RE background. I confessed at the end and said I would counter any offer because I didn’t move here to have another home on top of me. I told Shannon to take my number down but he said it was already programed in his phone but we couldn’t recall meeting each other. I’d remember meeting Shannon. My offer was met with full listing price and so I accepted but an incorrect input into MLS had me a $500 off coupon, score!
Ole Bodine, Jeffery, a well known local short stack shit kicker, cut those trees out enough for the pole barn, garden, training area, and 48-block smoker. He and the guys built the beds and supplied the beautiful rough-cut lumber with cedar tree trunks for the posts. J.T. brought in trucks of dirt and manure at least 5. The old man spreading it was proud of me because his kids didn’t take advantage. “Buddy, you ain’t even going to have to weed this year,” he told me in confidence mixing the compound. Bodine will take credit for the idea and I’ll let him because without his support and love it never would’ve come together. Thanks brother.
Lights On, Michael, my AT hiking partner, is a carpenter and said he could build it if I helped. That was a month of sacrifice of mind and body. The first day we had to clean up the site and started by kicking tree trunks for 70 yards only to have my shoe come off and hurt myself. Digging the 12-holes caused my hands to completely lock up in excruciating pain. He even spent another day by hand digging further to secure a solid foundation. He’s over 6ft tall and I’m 5’ something so it must have looked hilarious picking those posts up and laying them in the hole. The last one took a 3rd, my neighbor, and still we struggled at standstill until I just grunted and they followed through. Boom!
“Time to go to the salt mines Wahoo,” Lights On would beckon as the morning washed over us. I believe it took two weeks for a rain out and a day off. I did have a couple golf outings but other than that we were building. “He was the right man for the job,” Pat, a mutual friend, said looking at the finished product. Watching him put on the aluminum roof was impressive and we had made it through another war of sorts stronger on the other side together. And when he visits, we bask in the presence it hails from on-lookers. Like the UPS guy would have lunch in the shade and tell me how awesome he thought it was. In fact everyone that worked on the house loved the idea and what was manifesting.
After things were finished the city got wind of my endeavors and wanted inspections, permits, and sketches. The effects of Co-vid made it impossible to meet with city officials as the days of $100 fines racked up but I did get ahold of an inspector that had pity on me. He wasn’t my area rep but stepped in and returned calls. When I turned the sketch in the old lady laughed at me because of the structure, she was stunned they made me come down. Months later it ended and they cut me major slack on the money. I was grateful.
The following year I hired a Light’s On doppelganger to build the box and lay the turf. I had Jeff’s contacts with a box truck pick up 3 picnic tables, the blocks, and metal for the smoker. When I explained my vision to these two young men, they were excited, thought it was a great idea. But I really still didn’t believe, who was I to teach such things and how was I going to make a profit? The city said I could not house a business from the pole barn, even though we would just be eating lunch there.
Looking at it from a Capitalist point of view I thought $20 a session with lunch included, would make that juice worth the squeeze but my definition of success changed from making a living to just serving, aiding, and leading by example. I figured why not make it free for the students but how could I do it without funding it all myself? Then the idea hit to sell my paintings, (over 60 inventory) to fund the students. I accumulated $800 from friends and family which will cover the food cost, insurance, and part of the marketing. Looking at this today what a huge win and shift in thinking. Amazing!
I had failed yoga teacher training after a falling out for sticking up for student but one teacher helped me gain my certification online. Another success even when it was dim. Thinking back when I first walked in naively because I did not think about being the only man and the great sessions we all had together was a huge progress for all. Setting yourself up for success involves failing through trial and error until there’s an acceptance, an understanding, and a balance is achieved, a yoking as they say. Making the uncomfortable, comfortable.
I ask myself, did I fail? Really, I stood up to my fear of inadequacy by sending out the postcards and letting others know. If I never got to that stage, that would be a state of failure but in this case it’s a tool; not a Deshaun swing and miss, but a miss. I’ll have to shoot triple 20’s playing at this level next turn. But I’ve done my part, what I asked myself to do and that is a huge win!
Accomplishment, Achievement, and Advancement have sprouted through the failures. For the garden to grow it needs to die but next year’s yields get more advantageous!
