Capitalism, Hypocrisy, and Desperation in Cleveland Have the Browns in Search of Honor

WrestleMania 38 will be held on April 2^nd at Jerry World but Clevelander’s have spent their emotional “Bang” over the last 5 days in the Deshaun Watson heavyweight Hell in the Cell match.  Baker Mayfield’s emotion surfaced in his farewell address before landing the former Houston Texan and even I was a little turned off.  I wanted the Brian Drew character from Draft Day, in the gym, seeing red, pumping, and waiting to strike.

Tony ‘Bagel’ Bagli : Did you hear about Brian Drew?

Sonny Weaver Jr. : No, what about him?

Tony ‘Bagel’ Bagli : He came in here yesterday, did a little workout. Guess how much he squatted.

Sonny Weaver Jr. : He’s not supposed to be squatting.

Tony ‘Bagel’ Bagli : Four hundred! Four bills! I know! And what’s even more impressive is his arm. Your star wide receiver Andre Bello’s been telling me about those secret workouts they’ve been doing together all winter. You know about those?

Sonny Weaver Jr. : Yeah.

Tony ‘Bagel’ Bagli : Yeah, well, Andre thinks Brian can throw a good fifteen yards deeper now. I didn’t believe it until I saw what he benched.

Sonny Weaver Jr. : What’d he bench?

Tony ‘Bagel’ Bagli : He benched 250, 25 times.

Tony ‘Bagel’ Bagli : Just, boom, boom! Translation, Brian Drew’s in the best shape of his life.

Unfortunately, #6 felt betrayed by the front office, ownership, and coaching staff after giving everything he had in the tank, his heart, and soul over the last 4 years; that playing hurt through 11 games and getting ghosted about his partners love for another QB1 has this marriage ending in an ugly divorce.  Sure, Mayfield played poorly last season but a leader shows up to lead his troops, it’s the General’s job to sit him, Kevin!  That’s why the Browns paid Case Keenum $18 million over 3 years.  Baker was Cleveland, he slammed a beer at the Jake, got the Bud Light fridges opened, and most importantly, beat the Steelers in the Playoffs!  I salute you!  But today the Browns are a better team on the field with Watson at the Con.

I often repeat a phrase that was bestowed on me from a mentor, “You can always feel before you understand” and Browns fans are in constant state of lack of love, they are desperate to feel worthy of the Jim Brown days and the fact Canton is home of the Hall of Fame.  To paraphrase the beginning of Draft Day, we don’t have weather and beaches; Cleveland is blue collar, we have football, and Deshaun Watson now.

The former Clemson Tiger National Champion, who won the game on last second TD pass and threw for 420 yards that day (most ever) was passed up by the Clowns who had 3 first round picks in 2017.  They figured the 52^nd pick in Deshone Kizer, (Irish) would lead to at least one win but that wasn’t the case and the Browns joined the Detroit Lions with a big no filling donut.  Although they had the intuition of the first name correct, and didn’t take Mentor Mitch with the 2^nd overall pick, kudos. 

Deshaun went 11^th to the Houston Texans and over the last 3 seasons has made an expansion team similar to ours (Oilers) relevant with 3 Pro-Bowl selections, 3 playoff games, 8 fourth quarter comebacks, 10 game winning drives, and with what, J.J. Watt?  Obviously Hopkins was a top 5 guy and still is for the Cards but really the Browns are loaded compared to those Texans teams.  That’s why I was surprised he wasn’t interested in the best O-line, not one but two of the best running backs in the NFL, Chubb and Hunt, two number one receivers in Cooper and Robinson (maybe?), two top TE’s in Nojku and Bryant, and #95 on the other side of the ball, really. I feel like Zack Morris denied my prom invite (Wendy, I believe), until I bought him that Mercedes; although Cleveland in 2022 will cough up a $45 million signing bonus.  Locals have a new excuse to bitch about inflation and holla, Biden, while shaking a fist at the construction listening to the Bull and Fox pumping up training camp, waiting for honor of the NFL shield guarding The Land in pursuit of the Vince Lombardi Trophy.

Let’s examine the cost the Brownies are really incurring to see if the juice is worth the squeeze. First, the cash, $230 million over 5 years GUARANTEED!  The NFL is an owner’s league because they usually don’t guarantee shit, (1^st contract ever) but in an offensive game where the defense keeps getting hamstringed you need a franchise QB and the money doesn’t bother me. Why?  Because the owners can afford it and if we constantly were bombarded with the deals they did it would be much more sickening to the average American.  If one intends to tailgate, have great seats, buy some merchandise, and enjoy concessions, you’ll need a bankroll; point made.

Next, the organization has given up its draft capital for the near future, (2022-2024) with 3 first rounder’s headed to Houston, plus 2023 3^rd round and 2024 fourth round pick.  They must like pancakes in Texas with a lot of syrup because that’s filling.  Good for the Browns that they are “ready to roll” with talent spread all over field but who knows what will transpire as COVID ramps up, along with injuries in 2022.  They really didn’t have a choice in negotiations because it felt like a drug deal, here’s the product and this is how much it costs; he’ll choose, (due to the no-trade clause) you want it or not.

After the smoke clears from the money and draft picks the organization has to take into account his character.  Mr. Watson was cleared of criminal charges of misappropriate sexual conduct while receiving massages.  Are all 22 women full of it?  Seems unlikely but there is motive to trash Deshaun.  Last February 25^th he met with GM David Culley and said he didn’t want to play for the Texans anymore and wanted a trade, which infuriated owner Cal McNair.  Shortly thereafter on March 16^th the first “Jane Doe” came forward against Watson.  Seems a little fishy, but after light browsing depositions some of that signing bonus will be out the door.  I suppose we can account by the payments that may be made to victims for a glimpse at the truth. 

The cliché in sports, at the end of the day, how will a Clevelander’s Sunday end in early November as the trees shed colors of orange and brown, leftover Reese’s Cups from Halloween are consumed, and winter’s crisp crackling is in the air?  With a bounce in their Monday morning step, hot coffee and brown bag in hand?  Or, waiting until next year, Cleveland’s cliché, with holes in their socks, paying high heating costs, with no Browns love to radiate and warm a cold North Coast winter?

The moves made by GM Andrew Berry have been positive.  Amari Cooper for a 5^th round pick and one year guaranteed rental at $20 million is sweet!  Signing Allen Robison I thought was a done deal but he appears to be going with the champs, the Rams.  He has a nice piece in Baker to lure another receiver or draft pick to score one if Robinson doesn’t work out.  The question has to be asked, will the Browns hold #6 for $18 million?  Very, very unlikely and so I wouldn’t offer a Deshaun Watson package at you, heck, not even a number 1.  The Browns are in a tough spot. 

Maybe Berry and team can pull off a draft day miracle with the Mayfield chip, either way the Browns are all in.  They’ve been to alter of sacrifice and anted up to be an elite team in a brand that runs Sunday, plus a new Thursday partnership Amazon.  This is what it takes to win now, cash, forgiveness in face of values, and bad breakups.  That’s a lot to ask for a feeling that has escaped us, the Dawg Pound base, our entire lives; but hey, we’ve come this far, what’s a little more?